Move Like Albert Hitchcock

"He sees you when you're sleeping,

He knows when you're awake....."

Yes, the Christmas season is almost upon us! This Christmas is most likely just like any other Christmas some of you may have, but it's going to be different for me this year. For starters, my cousin is over from China, and they don't celebrate Christmas in China.

Shockgasphorror!

So I'm dressing this year's Christmas up in the traditional red-and-green Christmas, and we're finally taking out the Christmas tree (in one particular year, when I was actually bothered give a damn about a Christmas tree, I spray painted a branch white and stuck it in a decorated plastic plant pot. Look Mum, a White Christmas!)

I was quite appalled by the lack of festive spirit in my cousin that I decided to make up a checklist of thing's he has never done:

- never had a candy cane (I picked up a giant candy-cane in Big W, and the response I received was a non-verbal "What in the world?!")

-never put up a Christmas tree (and with that, I'm guessing he's never experienced that horrible itching sensation you get when you're setting up a Christmas trees)

- and last but not least (far from least...I'd say the most important...) he's never sent out a Christmas present (speaking of which, he's never received one either)

Don't go all human-rights on me; they give out

money at Christmas time (otherwise known

as Chinese New Year), so the children can

go out and buy whatever they want in China

(Oh, you spoiled brats!)

I need suggestions on how to make this Christmas Christmassy, any help?